Lisa Nqala

The blog is about being optimistic and being happy with what you have already achieved.

Tuesday 4 May 2021

Dear Teen - The truth about dating /relationships, what they do not tell you about dating. Let me take you there.

When you are not dating or delaying the dating phase as a teenager, they make you feel stupid, unattractive and tell you that you are missing out. Trust me there is no fun at all, it is the opposite, they will never tell you the reality of dating, they will tell their story in the most beautiful and interesting way, trust me do not be fooled its a trap do not make the same mistake like many people who did not know any better because there is no one willing, to tell the truth, or to warn and save the younger generation.

The reality of dating is that :

1. Living in a fairytale for a moment

Once you start dating, the first person you start dating stays in your mind the whole time, you daydream about him/her, you create the best moments in your mind, you live in visualization. You do not get time to learn about the person instead you create the person in your mind and once you realize that he or she is not the person you created in your mind and the events you created in your mind are not happening in the real world, you get frustrated, disappointed, sad and resentful. Love becomes your worse nightmare. You waste your time dealing with these emotions instead of visualizing your life and working on your goals.

2. Insecurities

Dating makes you more insecure than you were before dating. You always feel like you are not good enough, worry if your partner could meet someone better than you,  he or she fell out of love or stop loving you, or attracted to someone else.

3. Betrayal and humiliation

When someone comes into your life and let you leave everything you were doing or busy with and focus on them and suddenly drop you like a hot potato is traumatic. You feel betrayed humiliated and used. The truth about love or loving someone is that It could humiliate you, people these days do not think twice they do whatever is convenient for them without considering anyone's feelings or situation. Loving someone this day could be humiliating some people lack sympathy (narcissism). Someone will come into your life and tell you all the sweet and kind words, compliments and make you feel worthy, beautiful, sexy, attractive and intelligent. When that person changes or acts differently it makes you doubt everything he or she said about your, all the compliments, you feel stupid, ugly and bitter. You feel betrayed.

4. Trust issues and lies

The dishonest of your partner makes it hard for you to trust again even when you eventually find a trustworthy partner, it becomes so hard for you to trust again and to feel like that and at such a young age is not fair, at that age you need to be confident in your self,  working hard and making your dreams a reality.

5. Anger

You become so angry at your self asking yourself why did you believe the person, why did you act or behave the way you did in the relationship. You ask yourself why did you not focus on yourself and your goals and dreams and enjoy your teenage day without dating. You ask yourself why did you allow to be treated the way you were treated, why did you allow the person to disrespect you, to take away your peace of mind, why did you allow the person to use you, why did you allow the person to humiliate you, why did you allow the person to take you for a ride?

6. Fear

Living in fear once you start dating, you always fear of what could go wrong, what the other person could do that could hurt or humiliate you. You read or listen to other peoples stories and feel anxious and sad because you can not handle the fear of what would you do if that happens to you or if it's already happening in your relationship but you are not aware of it.

7. Dealing with a partner who does not have good values, morals and integrity

Having bad luck or dating someone with no good morals, values and integrity is the worst. Dating someone who does not care about his or her dignity impact your dignity. Dating someone who just does whatever he or she feels like doing without thinking about the consequences, puts you in a very bad position, you suffer because of someone's foolishness. Education, wealth, beauty is all useless if someone lacks values, morals and integrity.

8. Emotional damage 

Most of the teenagers you see pretending to be happy normal and in control of dating are suffering from emotional damage due to dating. Dating at a younger age affect your emotions and it is not easy to rise from that. The way the person used to be or feel before starting dating is not the same, most of them miss their old self and if they knew any better they would have stayed single until they are mature enough and have strong self-awareness, confidence, ability to stand their ground, achieved almost 80% of their goals and dreams, and in a better space in life I.e. graduated, working, a decent job built their profile and brand and good friends.

I have just summarized the reality of Mjolo the dating especially to the teenagers who do not feel comfortable discussing this with their parents or elders. I hope you get the picture of dating that few people are willing to share with teenagers, to help them not to repeat the same mistakes we made and make better decisions and choices than the previous generations. 

Written by Lisa Nqala


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