Self Reflection - I survived being an orphan

I lost my Mother at the age of seven. I was raised by the family members.
My Mother was never married. As an orphan, you are perceived to be disobedient.
Orphans are known for self-pity for an example if they are being disciplined they like to say it's done because they are orphans if their parents were still alive they would have been treated differently.
An orphan at the same time is expected for disobedience like abandoning home and live in the streets, not getting along with the family members, teenage /unplanned pregnancy, poverty, uneducated, lack of motivation, bitterness or anger, alcohol and drug abuse, being losers etc.
I chose to be different
I chose to change the perception.

Written by Lisa Nqala

What i have learned about myself (Part 1) - Dear teen

#The Power of Having Dreams, Goals and a Vision For Your life Before Dating

When you are in a relationship it’s easy to lose yourself or feel stuck, but when you know your story it’s easy to step back and ask yourself, is this the life I want for myself? Is this the life I hoped for? Is this the life I would choose for myself over and over again? Is this the life worth risking for? Our dream, goals and vision are our light and guidance no matter what happens in our lives. Sometimes we need to be single or be alone to start dreaming, having goals and vision for our lives, so that when we start dating again we are wiser and have new perceptions. Once you develop and improve yourself you attract better, you receive better and you love better.

Written by Lisa Nqala

IF MY LIFE WAS PERFECT(DEAR TEEN)

 

If my life was perfect I would not have known how to deal with rejection.

I would not have known how to go forward in life with a heartbreak, resentment and doubts and still successes

I would not have an eager to change perceptions about myself and my life

I would not have known how to fight for my goals and my dreams

I would not have known how to rise after falling

I would not have known how to start over after disappointments

I would not have known how to be excited about starting over after failure and disappointments

I would not have known that fear will always be there to distract you for going after your blessings and goals

I would not have known how to deal with hatred

I would not have been interesting

I would not have been an inspiration

I would not have known vulnerability

I would not have benefited from vulnerability

Written by Lisa Nqala

LESSON LEARNED : MAYBE I NEEDED ME MORE THAN I NEEDED YOU (DEAR TEEN) PART THREE

Maybe I needed to make my own decisions more than I wanted you to make decisions about us.

Maybe you were part of the mistakes I needed to make.

Maybe the ending it was more necessary than fixing it.

Maybe the last words were more powerful than the first words

Maybe the peace of mind was much needed than the anger, hurting, arguments, “we need to talk”, why you did or did not do this.

 Maybe letting it go was much needed to bring back light in my life.

Maybe the healing was much needed than the solutions.

Maybe the new book with new chapters was much needed than the old book with old chapters.

Maybe the new memories were much needed to be created with someone new than replaying the old memories.

Maybe I needed to free myself more than I needed to be attached to you.

Maybe I needed to invest more on myself before I invested in you and the relationship.

Maybe I needed to believe in myself more than I needed you to believe in me.

Maybe I needed more time for things that give me joy than being broken, sad because you ignored, played and rejected me.

Written by Lisa Nqala

LESSON LEARNED : MAYBE I NEEDED ME MORE THAN I NEEDED YOU (DEAR TEEN) PART ONE

MAYBE I NEEDED ME MORE THAN I NEEDED YOU

Maybe I needed to heal myself more than I needed you to heal me.

Maybe I needed to support myself more than I needed you to support me

Maybe I needed to motivate myself more than I needed you to motivate me.

Maybe I needed to encourage myself more than I needed you to encourage you.

Written by Lisa Nqala

LESSON LEARNED : MAYBE I NEEDED ME MORE THAN I NEEDED YOU (DEAR TEEN) PART TWO

Maybe I needed to assure myself about achieving my goals, fighting for my goal and dreams more than I needed your assurance about our relationship.

Maybe I needed to assure myself about my future before I needed you to assure me about our future.

Maybe I needed to fight for my goals and my dreams before I expected you to fight for our relationship goals and dreams.

Maybe I needed to give myself enough time to figure out if you worth it before I committed to you fully.

Maybe I should have known that some days are good and some days are bad and sad without a specific reason than to blame you for my bad days.

Maybe my higher self and my guardian angel got tired of watching you playing with my feelings and hurting me.

Written by Lisa Nqala

LESSON LEARNED : MAYBE I NEEDED ME MORE THAN I NEEDED YOU (DEAR TEEN) PART FOUR

Maybe I needed to appreciate myself more than I expected you to appreciate me.

Maybe I needed to consider and accept my past experiences and wounds before I hope that your love would heal me.

Maybe I needed to know that I had a void before I met your rather than blaming you for it.

Maybe I needed to worry more about betraying and hurting myself more than worrying about you lying, betraying, and hurting me.

Maybe I needed to give myself more second chances for working on my gaols and dreams than giving you second chances and wasting my time.

Maybe I needed to be hurt than to hurt others

Maybe I needed to be played, used than to play and use other people

Maybe I needed to inspire more than I needed to be inspired

Maybe I needed to be followed more than I needed to follow

Maybe I needed to lead more than I needed to be led

Maybe I needed to be an example more than I needed an example.

Written by Lisa Nqala

Lesson learned #1 confusion stage

Some men are confused about so many things in their lives such as their career, sexuality, past, present, the future etc. The vibe does not lie if he makes you feel confused then he is really confused about his life. Confused man brings confusion in the relationship that why it is important to choose them carefully, take note of their vibe. Men are born leaders if he does not even know his direction in life, how is he going to lead you? The only thing you can do is to get yourself out of that situation.

Written by Lisa Nqala

Lesson learned #2 some men are toxic

Some men are toxic not only with you but with everyone around them. Observe his life you will pick up some red flags, if they are surrounded by drama or having problem with everybody around them, they are toxic. That kind of people bring their toxic in the relationship, you will notice red flags such as silent treatment, mood swings etc. They do everything to make you feel sad, insecure, jealous, look stupid etc so that they feel better about themselves knowing that they are not sad alone.

Written by Lisa Nqala

Lesson learned #3 bring her down syndrome

Some men suffer from #bring her down syndrome. They see you happy, in control, kind and doing well in life and feel like they need to bring you down.  They just want the glory that they made you look or feel stupid. They envy you happiness and your go-getter spirit, they start by making you feel special and beautiful. They lead you on so that they could drop you unexpectedly. Once they are done with that they will start acting happy in love with their partners. That’s how they boost their confidence by bringing other people down. The problem starts when the person they tried to hurt or bring down rise again and become twice better as before and become genuinely happy. Watching their victim rising, becoming better, and becoming happier terrifies them and make them look even more stupid and miserable.

Written by Lisa Nqala

Lesson Learned#4 Ego

Some men come to your life just to boost their confidence. Just to find out if they are still attractive or wanted. They come to you not that they want a relationship, they just enjoy leading you on when they know that they have no intention to be part of your life forever. That’s where working on yourself and on your goals come in.  If your life is not properly planned it’s easy to get lost and be distracted. Where ever you go,  whoever you meet never leave yourself behind. If you do not have goals and dreams for your life you are opening a room for these kind of people to do whatever they like to you and get away with it so easy. Be in a relationship with someone and at the same time be in a relationship with yourself, you will never go wrong. Never pause your hustling for a relationship, multi-task. Your hustling must be louder than your relation ship.

Written by Lisa Nqala

 

Lesson Learned#5 Insecurity

Some men cannot handle a woman who is doing better than them. They want all the glory, praise and the spotlight for themselves. They would feel intimidated by woman's success.  Once you start shining or winning the relationship start to suffer.

Written by Lisa Nqala