Welcome to my Blog Spot

Welcome to my blog spot
My blog is about me, my experiences and other peoples experiences.
My Blog is not perfect and I don't want it to be perfect so people don't expect anything to be perfect.
My life is also not perfect and I don't want it to be perfect.

Written by Lisa Nqala

BEFORE THE BREAK UP -The Fear stage - Dear Teen#1

The fear stage
At this stage, you are still in the relationship
The fear of the unknown is ruining your life
You are so worried about what your partner could do, doing or done to you without your knowledge
The insecurities are keeping you awake at night to an extent that you end up making a decision based on your assumptions not on facts
You have pride you do not talk about your fears and insecurities with your partner to an extent that you don't even realize that you could lose your partner for good due to your insecurities
Until you get tired of those feelings and decide to face your demons
You begin to own your story
You set goals for your life
As soon as you start writing down your goals, you focus on them.
You feel excited about your goals, instead of the sleepless night worrying about what the other person could do to you, you worry and focus on what to do next for your dreams and goals
You worry about how you are going to achieve your goals:
What you need to do to achieve your goals
What you need to do more
What you need to do less
Who you need to remove in your life
Who you need to add in your life
Reviewing your daily routine
Grabbing opportunities
Creating opportunities for yourself

Written by Lisa Nqala

Before the break up - The toxic stage -Dear teen#2

When the relationship reach the toxic stage

Staying up at night tossing and turning every day because of how you are being treated in the relationship.

Begging someone to communicate with you

Begging someone's input or effort on rebuilding the relationship

Thinking about all the bad things that a person has done to you

Thinking about all the hurtful words that the person has said to you

Thinking about all the chances you have given that person

Thinking about all the day's you were waiting for a proper apology 
Thinking about how you wanted to be loved and treated in the relationship

You get to a point where you have to make a decision whether to stay and accept that kind of treatment, keep reading the same chapter over and over again, keep getting the same results all over again or face your fears of moving on, fear of people, fear of dealing with the break up, fear of feeling guilt, fear of watching that person with someone else after you have moved on.

Written by Lisa Nqala

Before the break up - Feeling Lonely - Dear Teen#3

There are two types of loneliness:
1.Being lonely with someone and
2.Being lonely by yourself
1. Feeling lonely in the relationship
that’s the worse feeling ever, sometimes you get into a relationship that makes you feel so lonely and lost. The relationship might seem as if it's only for the benefits of the other person. You are not in control of the relationship and your needs are not met. The relationship depends only on the needs, emotions and circumstances of the other person. You feel like your emotions are controlled by the other person.
2. Feeling lonely without the relationship
when you are single even though you may feel lonely sometime, but you are in control of your life and your feelings. When you are not in the relationship you happiness is clearly your business and your responsibility. You have all the time to heal yourself, you can go on a healing journey. Your mind is fresh and ready to be inspired, to learn new things and improve or choose a better life. You are in a better position to create again. You are at a better position to fill yourself up with self-love and all the good things you could not do while you were with the other person.

Written by Lisa Nqala

Before the break up - Reaching out - Dear teen#4

There is nothing painful as going through the hardest times in your life and wishing you had someone you could phone and tell that it hurts and it hurts so much.
Not having that person you can reach out to, someone that you truly trust with your pain, someone who cares, and someone who listens.
You need someone that you can go to and just cry it all out next to that person, someone who can be there for you throughout your trying time.
Crying all alone in your room is not healthy, you need someone you can sit next to while you are crying, someone who can sit next to your bed while you are not feeling like facing the world.
You need someone who is willing to be there for you, that person could be a friend, a family member etc.

Written by Lisa Nqala

Break up Journey- reality (Dear teen)#1

You have every right to take time and feel vulnerable or miserable.
You have every right to feel ashamed or embarrassed about the breakup.
You have every right to worry about how you are going to tell people about the break up.

You have every right to take time and feel useless and feel like you are a failure.
You have every right to take time and disconnect yourself from some things and some people.
You have every right to take time and question yourself.
You have every right to seek closure.
You have every right to take time and lock up yourself in your room and cry the whole day and night.
You have every right to take time and feel the pain.
You have every right to keep it to yourself until you are ready and strong to talk about it
"There is a power in facing the pain" Lisa Nqala

Written by Lisa Nqala

The break up journey-The tendency of break up (the early stage) - Dear teen #2

When you are dealing with the break up you tend to feel useless
You tend to feel like everything is falling apart
You tend to feel stupid

You tend to feel like life is against you
It affects your self-esteem a lot especial at the early stage of the breakup
You are not feeling confident about yourself and your life
you wake up in the morning and you are not feeling yourself at all
At work, you are not confident about yourself even about your career
You hate relationship or seeing people in love
You hate hearing the love songs
You hate men or females showing interest in you
Inside you feel like a piece of trash
You feel so uncomfortable
you feel uncomfortable with everything
Sometimes you feel like you are attracting bad luck since you feel like your life is falling apart
You cannot even differentiate between the day and the night
You feel the heavy dark cloud over your life.

Written by Lisa Nqala

The break up journey - Waiting for the phone call - Dear Teen#3

At the early stage of the breakup. The most painful thing is waiting for your ex to phone or text you. You check your phone all the time hoping he will get call or a text you. As time goes by, you start to accept that you are not going to receive any phone call or text message. 

Written by Lisa Nqala

The break up journey - The power of a heartache (dear teen) #4

The heartache from a breakup is so powerful that you lose your appetite. After finding out about some things about your ex maybe from people around him/her you feel so down and depressed. You feel used. You feel stupid or like you have been taken for a ride. You feel so sad that you no longer enjoy the things you used to enjoy or you suppose to enjoy. You don’t even have the energy to celebrate the good things that are happening in your life. Even material things like your car, money, clothes are all useless when you are dealing with a breakup. Everything seems so dull and pointless. Sometimes you even feel scared of going to your house or home.

Written by Lisa Nqala

The break up journey -The highs and the lows of a breakup (Dear Teen)#5

While going through a break up some time you feel  high and happy

You go out with people and you would have the best time of your life,

everything feels so right, so perfect, normal and all of a sudden boom, you feel so low.

You start to think about your ex. You miss him so much that you feel the void and the pain.

Tears falling down your face, You start feeling like happiness without him in the picture is not enough for you. You go back to square one.

The break up journey- Seeking for a closure - Dear Teen#6

When you are going through a breakup you even sometimes stalk your ex because you want closure.

You want to know how is he doing

Who is he with currently? 
Or has he moved on already?
 Or who is his rebound partner?

Is he dealing with this break-up or he still in denial stage?

Is he feeling the same way I feel about him?

What is really happening in his life?

Written by Lisa Nqala

Increase your happiness -Dear Teen

After the break up you take time to heal yourself, but what happens after you have healed your self?
You start taking note of what makes you happy and whole again.
Look for things that make you happy that do not need money.
Things that not only brings happiness but also complete you, things such as writing, becoming Gogetter, self-motivated, determination, focus, skills that need to be polished, learning from certain people etc.
Things that do not involve other human beings, remember it's your Journey.
Happiness gained not from money or any other human being.

the break up journey -The worse part of a break up - Dear Teen#7

The worse part of the breakup is when someone has chosen someone else over you.

 Dealing with rejection is hard.

The worse feeling that drives you crazy is that you were not the chosen one,  that feeling drives you straight to the darker place of your life.

It kills your self-esteem

It shut down your life

You ask yourself so many questions,

What did I do wrong?

What is lacking in me?

Will I ever find love again? 

Will I ever be loved and be the chosen one?

You feel like a zombie

You feel the pain so much that you even lose weight

These things happen to anyone both male and female

the break up journey - The convincing the heart stage - Dear Teen#8

The most painful part and hard time during the breakup is when you have to convince your heart that you could still love again. In this stage, it is so difficult to believe and accept the fact that you will love again, love better, love a better person at the right time. At this stage, you are so convinced that you won't find someone better than the person you currently in love with. You are convinced that you will never find someone you will love the same way you love the current person. 

The break up journey - Living with doubts - Dear Teen#9

While going through the process of the breakup you doubt yourself if you will ever be happy again.

You find it hard to believe that you will be happy again

You can’t even imagine how will it feels like to be happy again, to have your powers again.
How to be in control again?

You see people around you happy, enjoying life and you start asking yourself how are they doing it?

You feel so hopeless about the future.

Written by Lisa Nqala

The break up journey -Finding Yourself - Dear teen#10

After a break up it is necessary to give yourself time to find yourself, to enjoy yourlife again.

I have realize that after a break up :

You need to give yourself enough time to heal
You need to give yourself enough time to reflect on your previous relationships
Find the patterns, fix them before you start a new relationship
You need to give yourself enough time to improve your life
You need to give yourself enough time to enjoy yourself as a single person
Find new interests
Find new role models
Level up

The break up journey - De- attach - Dear teen#11

The other difficult part of the breakup is to try to de-attach yourself from that person
It’s difficult and it hurts so much
Everywhere you go , it does  not matter who you go with your mind is still fixed on that person(your ex)
He is the only thing you think about all the time
The thought of all the good memories hurts you so hard
You think about all the good things they did for you
You think about all the good things they teach you
You think about all the things you used to do together
You think about the first time you met
You think about your relationship honeymoon stage
All of these leaves you heart pieces 
Its better the physical pain than an emotional pain

Written by Lisa Nqala

Break up hack - Dear teen

Break up is a test that everyone must go through male or female, poor or rich the list goes on and on. Take it for an instant as Matric exams, we all have to write Matric exams, we all write Matric exams in order for us to go to the next level in our lives. You may fail, pass or excel in your Matric exams. Any outcome you get from your Matric exams determines your future , if you fail you must repeat and try to stay strong as you watch your mates going to varsities and starting a new journey, If you do well in you Matric exams you stand a better chance of being accepted at the best University, best qualification, get a bursary, go to your fav province etc.

Take your break up as the same as your Matric exams, work hard on yourself, unpack your feelings, face the darkness, be strong and be able to stand on your own feet. Focus on getting the best results, keep that on your mind. Your future depends on how you dealt with your breakup. They are skills and character that you improve or develop through a breakup process. Allow the break up to motivate you to be the better person and to do better next time. The only way to upgrade is to first upgrade yourself. Remember you are attracted to what you were ready for that time. Be ready to attract something better after upgrading yourself. Look around for people who have upgraded themselves after a breakup and have attracted better second time around.

The Reason Behind Dear Teen Posts

The reason I started writing this post for teens is because of how I wish someone would have told me about these things when I was also a teenager.
I decided to be the one who is telling teenagers about these things since I did not get that opportunity.
Most of what I wrote is what I went through myself and what people around me went through as well.
The first time I went through a breakup, I was shattered, to think that I was not even in love with that person, it was just an attachment.
I asked myself how come no one has never said anything about this? I was so confused, that 's when I decide to be that person I needed when I was young.

Difference Between Teen Life And Adult Life (Dear Teen)

When you grow up as a young girl or boy, you worry so much about looks and your perception is that when you look cute, pretty or handsome you do not have any trouble or insecurities.

Once we get older we realize that looks and material things are not the cases at all. The real problem that we come across to is the matters of the heart, like heartache, loss of joy and chasing of happiness everywhere. We get to a point where we have almost all the material things that we wanted but still struggle to answer the questions such as, am I happy? Why I am not happy? Why am I feeling this way? Here I am talking about people who are holding degrees, driving fence cars, looking good on social media and in person.

Feelings become a real problem compare to our teenage stage where looks were the only real issue. We become a prison of our own though, we crucify our self by our past experience and fear of what could happen in the future. We miss the present just by worrying about the past and the future by doing so we make a lot of mistake in the present that would affect us in the future. For what I have learned living in the present is the way to go.

The break up journey - You are not ready - Dear teen#12

When you are dealing with the break up some time you will have that urge to prove a point to your previous partner.
You will want to be in a relationship so that you can prove to him or her that you are happy.
To prove that you can be loved
To prove that you can do better than them
To prove that you can upgrade

When you feel like that about the new relationship it means that you are still not ready.
When you are ready you will want to be in a relationship just to be happy not to prove a point to anyone.
Getting into a relationship just to prove a point to someone is a trap it will backfire and it will hit you hard and it will be too difficult to recover from it. You lose yourself.
Take all the time you need to heal from the break up until you are excited to be in love again without an urge to prove a point.

The break up journey - Accept The Messy - Dear Teen#13

It Okay to be Messy, to feel like your Life is a mess
It is Okay to have no answers
It is Okay to feel defeated
It is Okay to feel less and useless
It is Okay to feel Stuck
It is Okay to feel like you have reached the end
It is Okay to feel angry and to be sad
It is Okay to hit a rock bottom
You are a human being
It is so Okay to be a human being

It shows that you can still start over again
You can still be motivated again
You can be determined again
You can still fight again
You can still be happy again
You can still celebrate life again
You can still get to know yourself again

The break up journey - The bravery stage - Dear Teen#14

The last stage of the breakup
In this stage, you are tired of feeling the way you have been feeling.

In this stage : You get tired of feeling sorry for yourself
You get tired of being worried about yourself and your life
You get tired of being worried about what other people are saying or going to say
You get tired of fear
You get tired of giving
You get tired of being unappreciated
 You get tired of wasting your energy on this particular person
You develop a don't care attitude towards him/her because you know deep down inside  you have done everything to make it work.

You decide to give yourself the love that you have been giving others
You give yourself the unconditional love you been giving other people
You decide to give yourself the time and attention you have been giving others
You decide to give all your time and energy, efforts, determination, focus, attention to your goals
You decide to give yourself all the praise and worship you have been giving to other people
You love yourself and God more
You praise yourself and God more
You worship yourself and God  more
You give yourself and God more attention