Lisa Nqala

The blog is about being optimistic, be happy with what you have done already and what you are about to do.

Friday, 22 November 2019

My journey to the 30th Birthday - Trauma after Trauma (Part 1)


I was raised by my grandmother while my mother was working at Spur and studying part-time. I came from a disadvantage background, poverty and limited resources. I lost my mother when I was only seven years old in 1997.  In 1998 I lost my grandmother. At that time death was not as popular as today. I was lost and hopeless. It was trauma after trauma. My cousin Ncumisa came to stay with me and my aunty in 1998. I got a new friend, we were like twins. I also become too close to my father who was also staying in Durban. He would travel from Durban to Bizana after a week or three weeks or a month to come see me after my mother and grandmother passed away.

 In 2008 I went through the trauma again when my father got sick and pass away, and that time I just completed my matric and looking for a school to study further. I officially become an orphan. I was completely broken again and feeling hopeless. It was too dark in my life I could not understand what was going on. 

 In 2016 when I just applied for my Master’s degree in internal Auditing at Cput. My cousin Ncumisa got sick. I begged her to fight and not allow what I went through to happen again. I trusted God that He would heal her. I was the one who was telling my family members that she would get better. I really believed that she would get better, until on a Friday afternoon when I got a phone call from home and was told that she passed away. I was in my room at rez (student residence) just got back from work.

I hit a rock bottom. I went home for her funeral and when I came back I was not myself. I was completely broken again, I could not put myself together. I lost weight, I lost faith in God. I couldn't even pray, every time I tried to pray I would break down and cry, I just did not know what to say to God. I was sad, disappointed and lost hope in God. Nothing was going well. I then decided to resign at work, I pause my research, at that time I was still busy with my research proposal, I could not focus because I was not myself. I packed my bags and went home in November and came back in January 2017 to start over. What I have learned that time was that you can die inside in front of everyone and not even one person could notice. When I came back from home I started over, got a new job and continued with my thesis and became optimistic again but I lost trust in the lord. My relationship with God lack faith and it was so bad and it broke me. I could pray but in my prayer faith was lacking.

Written by Lisa Nqala



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