Lisa Nqala

The blog is about being optimistic and being happy with what you have already achieved.

Monday 22 November 2021

My journey to the 30th Birthday - Trauma after Trauma (Part 1)

I was raised by my grandmother while my mother was working at Spur and studying part-time. I came from a disadvantage background, poverty and limited resources. I lost my mother when I was only seven years old in 1997.  In 1998 I lost my grandmother. At that time death was not as popular as today. I was lost and hopeless. It was trauma after trauma. My cousin Ncumisa came to stay with me and my aunty in 1998. I got a new friend, we were like twins. I also become too close to my father who was also staying in Durban. He would travel from Durban to Bizana after a week or three weeks or a month to come see me after my mother and grandmother passed away.

 In 2008 I went through the trauma again when my father got sick and pass away, and that time I just completed my matric and looking for a school to study further. I officially become an orphan. I was completely broken again and feeling hopeless. It was too dark in my life I could not understand what was going on. 

 In 2016 when I just applied for my Master’s degree in internal Auditing at Cput. My cousin Ncumisa got sick. I begged her to fight and not allow what I went through to happen again. I trusted God that He would heal her. I was the one who was telling my family members that she would get better. I really believed that she would get better, until on a Friday afternoon when I got a phone call from home and was told that she passed away. I was in my room at rez (student residence) just got back from work.

I hit a rock bottom. I went home for her funeral and when I came back I was not myself. I was completely broken again, I could not put myself together. I lost weight, I lost faith in God. I couldn't even pray, every time I tried to pray I would break down and cry, I just did not know what to say to God. I was sad, disappointed and lost hope in God. Nothing was going well. I then decided to resign at work, I pause my research, at that time I was still busy with my research proposal, I could not focus because I was not myself. I packed my bags and went home in November and came back in January 2017 to start over. What I have learned that time was that you can die inside in front of everyone and not even one person could notice. When I came back from home I started over, got a new job and continued with my thesis and became optimistic again but I lost trust in the lord. My relationship with God lack faith and it was so bad and it broke me. I could pray but in my prayer faith was lacking.

Written by Lisa Nqala


No comments

Post a Comment

Blogger Template Created by pipdig