DEAR TEEN -THE TURN AROUND (Part 1)-WHAT HAS CHANGED ? MY STORY MY EXPERIENCE.

I know who I am now. I am a go-getter. I go after what I want and what I believe is right for me. I have learned to keep calm, to fight a good fight and to fight for my dreams. I have defined myself according to what I want to achieve, what I expect from myself, what I hope for, what I love and value. My purpose is to inspire and be inspired. 

I know my values, I value hard work and education.  I value respect and integrity. I have made choices, I chose to be a dreamer and a go-getter. I used to feel so drained, hopeless and lost after the breakup. The first day after the breakup I would feel like a piece of trash. I would be miserable, ashamed and terrified. The thought of how are you going to inform people about the ending of the relationship and the energy and work you have put into the relationship. I HATED TO FEEL THAT WAY, I knew from that moment that I needed to do something about it, I knew that there was something wrong with me, how could an external factor affect me like that and how could I even allow it to have so much impact on my well-being? I knew from that moment that  I needed to make changes in my life that's when I realized that I needed to define myself, maybe it was because I didn't know who I was,  what I stand for.  I needed to make life-changing decisions and choices. I came up with 80/20 rule, 80% energy and time to goals and dreams and 20% energy and time to relationships. I needed to do something not only for myself but for the new generation, they do not have to suffer as we have suffered. I have to make thing a bit easier and different for them. There is more in life than being in a relationship especial when you are still a teenager. You still need to define and build your brand. You still need to work on your story or shape your story. You still need to invest into your empire. You still need to develop a five (5) years plan from now. You still have to visualize your future. You still need to identify and study your role-models and follow their path. You still have to identify your weaknesses and plan on how are you going to improve and overcome them. You still have to identify your strength and decide on how are you going to use them to better your life in the future. You still have to decide on what you do not want to happen in your life in the future or who you do not want to end up like. TEAM KEEP CALM, FIGHT A GOOD FIGHT, FIGHT FOR YOUR DREAMS, TRUST GOD, TEAM GO-GETTA ~ LISA NQALA.

Written by Lisa Nqala

THE TURN AROUND (2) - HOW I DEALT WITH MY NARCISST BEHAVIOUR-DEAR TEEN)

I have learned to be honest with myself.

I have learned to be accountable.

To face the fear of shame and vulnerability.

To embrace shame and vulnerability.

To embrace failure.

I fought a good fight, fought for my goals and dreams.

I have learned about narcissist and gas lighting behavior.

I acknowledged my void.

I acknowledged the fear of starting over,

Learned about a healthy, normal and toxic relationship, and how to control my emotions in a relationship.

I have accepted that a relationship is not an achievement.

I have accepted that if I am not happy with myself when I am single that's how I will feel even when I am in a relationship (void).

I have accepted that my happiness and joy are my responsibility.

I have accepted that success is my responsibility.

I have accepted that I needed to find myself, purpose, passion and values before I bring someone into my life.

I have learned that my brand and story are more important than a relationship. 

Written by Lisa Nqala

THE TURN AROUND - UNNECESSARY HEARTBREAK (Part 3) (DEAR TEEN)MY LOVE LIFE JOURNEY

I have studied the patterns that position people including myself for an unnecessary heartbreak. Loving too much before getting to know a person. Taking a new relationship as an achievement or as a prize you have been waiting for a long time. Bragging too early about the relationship. Telling people about the relationship or advertising your relationship too early before you can even learn about the person. Giving too much too soon. Expecting to be validated by people who are also still struggling to validate and love themselves. Starving for love, or to be loved. Begging to be loved, respected, questioning the way you are being loved too soon, being too desperate to prove a point to ex-lovers.  Too desperate to keep a relationship to an extend you end up allowing yourself to be mistreated, lied to, treated as a second-best, losing friends and family members just to keep a toxic relationship. Starving to have a partner that you end up missing up on life, being robbed of your time to be chasing and fighting for your dreams and changing your life for a better. Missing out on the opportunities to be the best person you always wanted to be. 

Not having enough information about the narcissists and gas lighting. I did not know anything about the narcissists and gas lighting so I was not able to identify gas lighting or narcissist behavior early in the relationship. Me learning that there are people called narcissist and gas lighting behavior had made so much difference in my love life. I look back and realize things that I have overlooked, things I blamed myself for but were not my fault. 

Written by Lisa Nqala

NARCISSIST AND GAS LIGHTING BEHAVIOR OVERVIEW- DEAR TEEN (Part 4)

 Narcissists and gaslighters are the major contributors to many of the heartbreaks in relationships. Taking things slow and not giving too much early in the relationship gives you enough time to identify these kinds of situations.  They can hide or act for a short period of time but three months is too much for them to show their true colours, that is the whole aim of 90 days rules-to identify narcissist and gaslighting behavior. It saves you from putting too much pressure on yourself to prove a point to other people. You do things at your own pace and terms so even if it does not work out, you know you have not risked so much too early. 

They want to be in your life too quickly but they don't want to contribute anything to your future, they just want to be there to enjoy and to destroy and act like celebrities afterwards. They love and praises you too much too soon, too many promises too soon, if you have ever been in a relationship with a narcissist you know what I am talking about. They promise you heaven and earth but deliver none. They make you feel like you are the best thing on earth and subsequently make you feel like the worse thing on earth and they drop you in the dust bin like trash without notice and they move on to the next victim.

They give you everything in the first few days or weeks or even months and you would even believe that God has answered your prayers and they suddenly become cold or distant and eventual ghost you and move on to the next victim. Their aim is always to destruct you, your peace, steal your joy and confidence. It is also the same as friendships, romantic relationships are not different from friendships. 

Narcissists love fame, to be seen or noticed, they always seek people's approval. They are not brave or confident but they always act brave and confident. Everything they do, they do it to cover up their lack of confidence, fear of being rejected and vulnerability. They fear shame to an extent that they would rather put shame on other people to cover up their ass. Narcissists are the worse miserable people on earth who act Okay to be approved by others. 

Written by Lisa Nqala

The turn around- I needed to walk alone -Dear Teen (Part 5)

I needed time to walk alone to deal with my baggage, to heal, to learn more about myself, to study the situation, to deal with the anger, shame and resentment, to spend time alone with myself, to ask myself some important questions, to prepare for the next move, to deal with all the emotions after heart break, to be vulnerable, to glow again, to visualize, to set new goals, to develop new habits, to build relationships with go-getters and hustlers. 

Written by Lisa Nqala

The Turn Around- Accountability - Bitterness -Forgiveness (Part 6)

I have held myself accountable for all my mistakes and the treatment I had allowed from my relationships. If I did not allow people to treat me the way they had treated me they would not have continued to do so. Accountability freed me from bitterness. It helped me realize that I have to forgive myself before I forgive people who wrong me. They did not know any better, so neither did I. I needed to grow up and learn from my mistakes. I could no longer go around blaming other people for what had happened to me. It is my duty to learn from my mistakes to become a better and successful person and it’s also their duty to learn from their mistakes and become better and successful.

Written by Lisa Nqala